Attending my first New Moon Circle

Last night I went to my first Women’s New Moon Circle at Love and Light Shala Studio, and it inspired me to write this post this morning.

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I get a lot anxiety about entering a space of people I don’t know, immediately feeling self conscious, so try to avoid putting myself in that place.

I saw the post on Instagram about the New Moon event at The Shala on a day when I felt breathless, my ears felt they were underwater and I struggled to speak – classic Anxiety joining me for the weekend! But I felt something click when I saw the post, I knew it was something I wanted to go to and would benefit me, but my anxiety was also shouting at me to stay home safe and sound.

I ignored the evil parrot on my shoulder, and joined the ladies for the circle last night. Welcomed in with hugs from Gabbi, the owner of The Shala, I felt immediately at ease. With herbal teas in our hands and swaddled in blankets , we took our places around a circle of candles, crystals and goddess cards.

We began with meditation, and a poem was read that really resonated with me;

The Box You’ve Outgrown

Look past the walls,
Open the drapes,
Dare to peer out,
And plan your escapes,

From the box that you’re standing,
So still and so meek,
are to reach out,
And have a sneak peek

Of what just might be,
Of what you still dream,
That excites and delights you,
That gives you your steam

They may have gone quiet,
Those big plans and dreams,
As they aren’t in this box,
So, they’re scary, it seems

Your beliefs, fears and doubts,
All act as a wall,
But this little box,
Has gotten too small

So, bend, break or lower,
Those limiting walls,
Seek, grow and prosper,
And learn from your falls

What would you do?
And where could you win?
If these pesky walls
Weren’t holding you in?

So, chase your big goals,
Beyond this safe zone
Step out of the box,
The one you’ve outgrown.

thegoalchaser.com

The next bit I found the hardest. We had been asked to bring journals and a pen, and were asked to make a gratitude list for 2018, a list of goals, and challenges we may face achieving those goals. I’m not sure why, but my heart beat so fast, I began to worry I would cry when noting down my gratitude for the year that had felt such a challenging and in parts, a scary time for me. With every gratitude I thought of, I thought of a negative side to it; Thankful for the support of my loved ones – but I also felt guilt for letting them all down, I was thankful for finding Yoga and wanting to teach it – but would I ever be good enough? I then recognised what I was doing, my usual self-critical self rearing its ugly head.

And so I thanked the bad parts of 2018, I found thanks in losing my job, in the hard times that I faced, because really – I am in a much better place now. I am looking to train for a career that I will truly love and enjoy, when I hated my last job. I discovered who I can trust, who loves me unconditionally even when I was at my worst, who would stick around to be with me on my long and tiresome journey.

I moved onto my goals, of travelling to India to do my Yoga Teacher Training, of finally being able to accept my anxiety and control it, to surround myself with those who have been rays of sunshine to me, holding my hand when I needed it,and to give something back – to do something kind everyday.

Again, that anxiety crept through, as I thought of the challenges. So many crept in, I felt pages of challenges shouting at me, but I didn’t let the silly ones creep onto my page of positivity. I acknowledged my anxiety is a constant battle, I acknowledged I am always so self-critical of myself, I acknowledged that I have let negativity affect me in the past, and also acknowledged I will have a challenging time to finance my goals. By writing down these 4 challenges, I could see how I could begin to tackle them. Some I was already, I have CBT therapy to combat my anxiety and my self critical thoughts, I have already been surrounding myself with positivity and have made new friends for life too. And the finance, I can put into place stepping-stones towards the end goal of India.

We took turns reading out our thoughts in the safe space of our circle. I felt so nervous, I felt tearful as everything felt so raw. But I spoke, and I felt the support from these wonderful strangers around me. One by one, we spoke and connected and I saw parallels between us all.

I have found from previous experience women  to be judgemental of each other, to be ‘cliquey’, to be jealous, to be negative, two-faced, and hurtful. I always read about femininity, about sisters supporting each other, and have rarely experienced it for myself except a few special women in my life. But this gathering felt so different. New Moons represent beginning, the planting of seeds and intentions for our dreams, goals and wishes, to form a community. And that’s exactly what we did. I felt I have started the beginnings of new friendships with like-minded women, new support networks and feel focused in my goals.

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At the end of the night we left in groups to our cars, and I walked out with a girl I had met. We chatted for some time, and then she gave me a hug and said she had wanted to talk to me as I was a ray of sunshine. I felt so uplifted, after feeling that I would be the outsider, the one no-one would possibly want to speak to, I somehow had given someone those vibes – and it left me feeling so warm and nourished (so much so, I missed my turning home as was too busy thinking about the lovely evening I just had!).

I wanted to share this night, as it is something I could easily have not gone to, chickened out of and missed out, but it really gave me the boost I needed and I encourage you to see out similar evenings in your community, if that’s yoga classes, meditation, or if nothing similar in your area, perhaps begin a gathering of your own – find your tribe! 

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